I was sixteen, a state officer in an organization. A microphone was suddenly thrust in my face at a district meeting. No warning. No courtesy of a heads up. And I said something ridiculous. It just slipped out. I had been asked to encourage other high school girls to run for district and state office in this particular organization.
I don't have a clue what else I said. Only the words "it will make you more mature".
What?! Oh please, God! I didn't just say that, did I?Like I had a clue what maturity was at that age! (Or even at this age sometimes.) Like I was some great example!
I had always felt old in high school. I wasn't interested in foolishness or parties. I found most boys to be just that, boys. As for the girls, I found most of them to be stuck up, rude, with their head in the clouds or focused on messed up priorities. Sorry if this offends anyone, just telling you how it was.
When I stepped on the bus to head back home that night, I faced something that will, on occasion, haunt me to this day. I no more than got my foot on the bottom step than the jeering and taunting began. Clearly they had been waiting for me. I found my way to a seat and tried to become as small as possible. I recognized the voice of the ring leader but she wasn't alone. I cringed as my words were flung at me with peals of laughter. Oh the laughter....
There wasn't a teacher on the bus. I think the bus driver finally brought the verbal assault to a close but the whole incident stung. Tears streamed down my face but I wouldn't turn around. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing how wounded I was.
But the truth is, I didn't blame the girls. I blamed myself. The words were mine. I had given them the ammunition. So I internalized it, adding it to the mountains of shame that already resided there.
I share this blistering personal example to illustrate the power of words and the destructive nature of shame. If I'd had just two minutes to think, perhaps I would have said something more appropriate or was that how I really felt about teenage girls at the time? Had I allowed my internal voice an outlet? Scary thought.
And how many times have I wounded or maimed someone with my words? Whatever the situation or circumstance, I am so sorry. I think of the phrase "wounded people wound". How true.
As an extrovert, I don't necessarily weigh everything that comes out of my mouth. (I can hear some of my friends laughing as they read this.) With age, I've gotten infinitely better about thinking before speaking. But have I left a wake behind me?
Words can build or they can destroy. Words brought shame into my life, one of the most destructive forces Satan uses against us.
Shame acts as a shield. It deflects praise and compliments. Shame clouds, distorts and alters truth. For far too many, their shame is their truth. It is their reality.
Shame creates a chasm that gives the enemy of our souls an entry point into our lives. Only the blood of Jesus can fill that canyon and bring hope and healing.
I cannot express enough the importance of speaking to our children in love. Always. No matter what. Never use the words "shame on you" because those three words may indeed introduce shame into their lives.
The last thing any of us wants to do is cause a child to feel deeply flawed or of little value. Guide? Of course. Discipline? Absolutely! But always loving and helping to foster a healthy, positive image of who they are. And Who's they are.
Jesus rescued me from the bottom of that chasm that had imprisoned me. He cut through the thick curtain of shame that has been my identity. But I fight the familiarity of what I knew to be true for so long. I have to work to see things differently, to bring God's Truth in to occupy those dark places. I remind the enemy that his lies must stop. Now!
I've come a long, long way due to the love of Jesus Christ and the love of my wonderful husband. Larry's eyes reflect the real me, the me God created. And I like what I see. Honestly, I do.
My heart's desire is to help people break free of shame to know who they are in God's Kingdom. To cast off the constraints that have held them hostage. To be set free from all the junk of the past. To see themselves as God sees them.
Only then can each of us truly walk in the purpose God created us to fulfill.
Jesus' words bring hope. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
Abundant life? Oh yeah! That's what I choose over mountains, chasms and curtains.
