Now What?

The events of this week in Boston, Cambridge and Watertown, Massachusetts and in West, Texas have shaken our nation. 

Lives lost, others transformed forever. People still missing. 

To what or whom do we cling at these times? 

Do we allow these events to pull us down into darkness, drinking of the cup of hopelessness, entertaining the emptiness of fear?

Do we cry out to God or stay glued to the endless hours of television coverage?

Do we feel touched, changed even? Now what?

In our home, we cling to Jesus and each other. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

We've watched in horror from our safe place here in rural Ohio. We aren't aware of knowing anyone touched by these events. We met and were married in Massachusetts. Larry lived in Texas for several years. That is as close as it comes. But it still feels close, too close. Too real.

Our loved ones are alive and safe. We aren't living the heart-wrenching anguish of waiting for word - any word - on a loved one who is still missing.We aren't in the midst of grieving and planning a funeral for someone we never dreamed we would have to live without.

Our bodies' are intact. We don't have to mourn the loss of a limb or limbs. We don't have to learn how to walk all over again on legs that have to be strapped on each morning. Or learn to make our way in a wheelchair, taking the world on from a seated position.

Our home has not been lost to fire or blown to bits from an explosion. It is intact, whole, unchanged. We don't have to worry about our address being remembered or for owning a boat that provided refuge to a terrorist.

Larry still has a job to go to on Monday. It wasn't blown off the face of the earth by a force that was felt fifty miles away.

We don't have to live in disbelief that someone we thought we knew allowed hate to shape them, morphing them into people capable of committing horrendous acts. 

We could go on with our lives unchanged by the events of this week. We could just chalk it up to "life" and act like nothing happened. 

We could but that would be a waste. Of lives. Of hopes. Of dreams. 

Let us choose to pray. 

Pray more fervently for our nation. 

Pray for the love of Christ to permeate even the hardest of hearts. 

Pray for hope to be tangible in the lives of those who have lost so much. 

Pray for peace to reign even through hardship.

Pray that God will birth something truly amazing out of the ashes of this week.

Pray, my friends, pray.

I Am Not A Cow

I grew up on a dairy farm in America's Dairyland, Wisconsin. I am proud of my agricultural roots and I have profound respect for farmers. 

Here's a little lesson for those of you who do not know. Cows are judged by their outward appearance, their conformation (muscular and skeletal structure). In the case of dairy cows, they are also judged by the amount of milk they produce. 

Appearance and production...hmm. Sounds a lot like we humans. The world only seems to care about how we look, what we do and how much money we make. What about the conformation of our hearts, our souls, and our minds? Do we strive to conform, to be "normal" or are we satisfied being uniquely different? 

(Hint: a cookie cutter Christian I am not. If that's what you're looking for, save yourself some time and stop reading.)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV

My Reality
I tried to be normal, I really did. I always felt different, misunderstood. I was the square peg. And that round hole? Didn't fit! Childhood was rough. My teen years were miserable. Adulthood - until recent years - was confusing and very painful. I went through depression several times. At one point the enemy had convinced me that I was seriously mentally ill. It was a lie!

For much of my life, I was hungry. Hungry for love. Hungry to be understood. Hungry to be accepted, weirdness and all. Once I knew the love of God, my hunger was refocused. I became hungry for more of God. Hungry to know Jesus more intimately. Hungry for greater understanding and revelation. Hungry to go deeper, and then deeper still. 

How cool is it that God brought Larry into my life? We each bring our own set of weirdness to our marriage! And we are thrilled with that. We complement each other well in our personalities, our giftings and our weirdness. God knew what He was doing!

As we have pursued God, He has revealed who we are in Him and what purpose He has for each of our lives. It has been amazing! I am so proud of my godly, righteous husband. He is a gifted teacher of the Word. I've been thrilled to encourage Larry in his giftings and calling. But when God began to give me glimpses about myself, I couldn’t take it in. It scared me to death. I tried to run from it, stuff it and ignore it. 

The reaction of people to the revelation of the real me has been...well...interesting. Some people recognized it long before I did. Some have been challenged by it. Others have tried to discourage me. And still others have outright denied it to be true. You see, I didn't fit the mold. I was way outside the box. 

Doubt and confusion crept in. And the fear of getting it wrong. But God kept confirming who I am over and over again. 

Hats off to my encouragers! More patient people do not exist on earth! They have hinted, reminded, pushed, pulled, even dragged me through the last ten years. Until I was out of excuses. It was time to move the gear shift from park to drive. Time to take the road God laid out for me instead of the relatively "normal" trail I had chosen.

So what is this road God has me on? He has given me a voice and a platform. Through writing and speaking, I am declaring His truth and the freedom available through Jesus Christ. He is calling me to help people see themselves as God sees them (I got a taste of this while working at a pregnancy center - mm hmm). 

The Lord is calling me to fully develop the giftings He placed within me so I can run the race. I am no longer satisfied to sit on the sidelines. Or merely walk on the traditional track, dressed in the established warm-up suit and shoes, striding in that perfect, acceptable way. I am loving the freedom!

Freedom Not Perfection
What gave me the courage to step out? What gave me the freedom to begin to live the life the Father had planned for me? My desire to honor and glorify God is stronger than my apprehension and fears. And the realization that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". Philippians 4:13 ESV 

The LORD is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him. Psalm 28:7 ESV

Do I feel those old insecurities at times? Of course, but I then remember to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). Have I encountered opposition? Absolutely, on every front imaginable but I persevere. Some days are better than others. Some days I can stand victoriously and some days I struggle. It is a battle. But I know who wins the war!

Do I get it right every time? No. I have missed the mark plenty of times but I keep moving forward. Grace is a wonderful thing! 

What Conforming Does
In making the compromise of conforming to this world, we concede who God created us to be. We deny the uniqueness He intends for us to bring to the Kingdom. 

Conforming to this world is confusing, mind numbing, spirit silencing, and heart wrenching. It leads us places we were never intended to go, doing things we were never intended to do. We shut down parts of ourselves that God has purpose in while embracing things that were never intended to be part of us. 

It drains us. It discourages us. It cripples us, disabling us spiritually. We battle within ourselves daily until we no longer know our own voice let alone recognize the voice of the Spirit.

When we conform to this world, we miss out. We’re robbed of the blessings of living the life God planned for us. And we deprive those around us of our uniqueness.

The Lord's Plans
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Yes, the Lord has plans for us. He has a calling on each and every one of our lives. He has placed giftings within each of us. No two of us are exactly alike, we are each a special blend. Priceless. Precious.

I am a lover of teas. All kinds. My favorite is English breakfast, a combination of various black teas. To me, it is the best blend with a depth of flavor that my palate craves. Whenever I drink basic black tea, I miss the blend and all that the other teas bring to the cup. 

We've each been created as a special blend, a blessed combination of qualities and giftings. Conforming to the world changes the blend, the uniqueness, the specialness that God has placed in us. It limits us and what we have to offer. Why should I settle for a black tea when I have a cupboard stocked with the rich English Breakfast blend? 

Life often distorts our view of ourselves but God delights in restoring truth. He is in the beauty from ashes business. No matter what path we have taken or how far from God we may have run, He can bring resurrection to our gifts and calling. For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. Romans 11:29 They are a permanent part of our being. Nothing can strip them from us, nothing. Hallelujah!

So, do we deny the gifts He has placed in us to pursue conformity? Do we reject the calling He has on our lives? Do we miss out on the blessing of being His ambassador, His hands and feet? 

Heads up! If we don’t fulfill our plans and purposes, someone else will be given the honor and privilege of carrying them out. The Kingdom of God will move forward with or without us. I know I don't want to be left behind. 

I am not a cow. I refuse to conform to the world's standards. I embrace the purposes of the Lord, the uniqueness He has placed within me. And I honor the uniqueness He has placed within each of you.

Let's get to work!

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:36 ESV

Gold & Diamonds

I slipped upstairs for a nap yesterday afternoon but God had other plans. Larry and I had just viewed a Science Channel program on geology. Object lessons were flowing like molten lava in my mind. I should have brought the laptop with me to bed.

Here is a little peek at what God showed me.

Oil & Water People
I recently asked a friend about a mutual acquaintance from years ago. He said they were like oil and water. What a great picture! I'm borrowing it for the purposes of this post.

We all have oil and water people in our lives. You know, the ones that can make us a little crazy. We just don't mix. Just being around them can trigger things in us. Our buttons get pushed. They are the oil to our water or vice versa.

I have one or two such people in my life. Perhaps more. I dearly love one but in another case, I struggle. The wounds are deep. But God and I are working on it.

Like it or not, God has purpose in bringing and allowing oil and water people in our lives. They aren't there by chance or accident. 

Gold & Diamonds
Just as impurities in gold are brought to the surface by melting it, oil and water people bring our impurities to the surface. We may see things in ourselves that aren't pretty, things that need refinement.

We all have things in our lives that need to be removed so the beauty God has placed within us can be revealed to His glory.

Diamonds are produced through time, pressure and heat. To the untrained eye, a newly mined diamond may simply look like a rock of little value. But inside, there is breathtaking beauty that can only be revealed through masterfully cutting it, the hardest substance known to man.

Whether you see yourself as gold or a diamond, you are valued and valuable to the Kingdom of God. Father God established plans and purposes for you before the foundations of the earth. You matter. A lot!

This was a foreign concept to me until I could begin to see myself through the eyes of my husband and Jesus. It changed everything.

My Failure
Prior to the transforming power of love, I had failed in relationships of every kind. I had acted in ways that did not honor God. I used and abused people. I shut people out. I didn't know how to deal with disrespect, disappointment or inappropriate behavior so I'd shut down. I was cold, iceberg cold. I couldn't look at them let alone speak to them. But my actions or lack thereof spoke volumes.

I had become an oil and water person in the lives of others.

People who don't recognize their value, devalue others. I was living proof.

I had learned to cope by disengaging. I didn't know it then but I had bought into a lie straight from the enemy. I believed I could protect myself by disengaging and refusing to reengage. And it would be a nice bonus if my offenders suffered in the process. Sadly, this means of coping had been modeled for me through the generations. And I could never be accused of being a poor student.

I didn't know the joy and peace that accompany extending grace and forgiving others.

I was a mess. My heart was in tatters. But even the most tattered heart can be healed. Even the most guilty of sinners can be released from their bondage. Even the oil and water person who has caused you the most pain can become a cherished treasure.

My heart has been healed! I've been set free! I am in awe of the resurrecting power of love.

Love Led to Yes
The immensity of God's love led me to say "YES!" to Him, granting permission for Him to refine and cut as He sees fit. If I am to walk in the purposes He has for me, I must welcome removal and discard of those things within me that do not honor and glorify Jesus. And graciously allow Him to expose and polish those things within me that reflect Him.

Is the refining and cutting comfortable? No. But His love and gentleness make it bearable.

Prayer
So how do we deal with the oil and water people in our lives? The most valuable strategy God has given me is prayer.

If I know I am going to see or spend time with an oil and water person, I prepare through prayer. I may pray for days, perhaps weeks, even months. I ask God to prepare their heart but more importantly, I ask him to prepare mine.

The intimate nature of prayer changes my heart. I begin to see my oil and water person through the eyes of Jesus. My Father God provides enlightenment, revelation, wisdom and understanding. He teaches me to love.

I not only pray beforehand, I pray in the midst of my time with them. The bathroom is a great place to pray and bind unclean spirits! You don't have to be loud, barely audible gets the job done.

If I unexpectedly have face time with one of my oil and water people (i.e. running into someone at the store), I pray right on the spot. They don't know but I'm praying my heart out! "Lord, give me the words to speak. Help me to reflect the You in me. Show me how to love them and encourage them. Help me so I don't blow this!"

More Strategies
There are more strategies that help me in dealing with what Rick Warren calls "extra grace required" people. My list includes forgiveness, worship, time in God's Word, community, and maintaining a heart of gratitude. In other words, many of the things we should consistently be engaging in as a part of our faith journey.

Each of these strategies provides key pieces. Prayer brings intimacy and heart change. Forgiveness brings freedom and perspective. Worship brings agreement with God in mind, soul and spirit. Time in the Word brings enlightenment, understanding and wisdom. Community brings encouragement, refinement and spiritual muscle-building. A heart of gratitude brings focus and joy.

God's love has taught me to love, to look for the deposits He has placed within the challenging people in my life, my oil and water people. Those seams of gold or the promise of an uncut diamond are there - perhaps deeply hidden - but of great, great value. After all, He loves my oil and water people just as much as He loves me.

Process
We're all in different places in the refinement and cutting processes. Some of us already reveal Jesus' reflection, just as refined gold mirrors the reflection of the refiner. Others of us have facets in our character, personality and giftings that gleam and glint in the light of the Son.

Still others of us may need a little more time, pressure and heat before we can be mined, purified or cut to our full potential. And that's OK. Our willingness to welcome the Refiner's fire and the Master's cutting tools are key. There is no better time than the present.

I am confident God has used oil and water people in the refining and cutting processes in my life. And He will use them again. Bring it on! 
(c)lclamb 2013

Healing in His Wings

But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings;  Malachi 4:2a

I know the enemy does not want me to proclaim this. I was initially going to post it on Facebook. Two words into it, my browser went down. Reboot accomplished. Then doubts began to creep into my mind. "Oh no you don't! You're not stealing God's glory, satan!" (I refuse to capitalize his name, for those of you that noticed.)

Jesus still heals, my friends!

On Monday, I mentioned in a Facebook post that I was still processing all God had done on Sunday. I had life-altering emotional healing but now, four days later, I am declaring and sharing physical healing as well. 

I knew something was different when we walked out of church Sunday night. I felt great! I hadn't eaten anything since 12 Noon and it was after 9 p.m. No diabetic symptoms whatsoever. Normally I would have been in trouble. And I usually carry a Mojo Mountain Mix bar for just such occasions. My purse was empty of any emergency provisions. But, like I said, I felt great! (No worries, we did grab a bite on the way home.)

I've noticed throughout the week that my blood glucose levels have been amazing. If anything, I needed to work to keep them high enough. So I cut my dosage of Metformin in half. All was well. Now I've eliminated it entirely.

Don't panic, my medical friends out there! I am not irresponsible. I have my doctor's blessing. I've even done some "testing". My numbers are rock solid no matter what I eat (and last night I ate a caramel roll!). 

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 ESV

I am living proof of this scripture, this prophecy of what Jesus would do on our behalf. 

Type 2 diabetes - healed!!!! Thank you, Jesus! Yes, by His stripes, I AM healed! And on Easter Sunday no less! Hallelujah! WooHoo!

And that's not all! For those of you that read my blog posts, you know I joined Weight Watchers online in mid January. I've lost slowly and steadily but I confess I had gotten pretty fed up with the whole dieting thing over the last couple of weeks. 

I slacked off on tracking what I was eating. I kept a mental tally but you know how that goes. So, yes, there was rebellion on my part. Not completely going off the rails, I admit to taking a side track here and there. My numbers were all over the map last week. This week was a totally different story...thanks to Jesus' healing!

Back to what I was about to tell you. Thursday is my weigh-in day. Albeit reluctant, I got the scales out this morning. I set them down on my weigh-in spot (in this old farm house, finding level floor is a challenge!). I stepped on hoping for good news. Oh please!

Could it be? Yes! Down 2.4 pounds! The biggest weekly loss since I started. The number that had been taunting me for weeks is finally in the rear view mirror. Happy dance!!

Hope restored! Excitement rekindled! Thank you, Jesus! To God be the glory!

I think I'll go for a walk. (Insert happy face here!)



Jesus' words: "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son." John 14:12 & 13 ESV 

In Honor of My Man & Our Marriage

The sanctuary was bathed in candle light and harp music filled the air. Simple yet elegant. Just the way we wanted it.

Nineteen years ago today, God joined our lives and our hearts. Two imperfect people with vastly different personalities and life experiences brought together by the love of Jesus Christ and a desire to serve Him. 

I don't consider my husband in the terms many use - my best friend. It goes SO much deeper than that. Calling him my best friend would be selling him and God short. I doubt a label exists that could adequately describe what we have and that's okay.

We don't own a fancy home with expensive furniture. We don't take lavish vacations. Our vehicle is nearly ten years old. (Yes, we currently only have one as that is all we need.) We don't have a vast retirement portfolio. By our society's standards, we have very little. But we feel like we are the richest people on earth. And we are content.

No matter what life has thrown at us (and it has thrown plenty, trust me!), we've grown closer. Our marriage has been forged by a bond that cannot be broken. 

To me, the safest place on earth is in Larry's arms. 

He knows me better than any other human being, a fact that gives me peace and comfort as well as a sense of safety and security.

He understands my heart, my passions, my purpose and even how my mind works (scary thought!). 

He calls me beautiful even on those days when my naturally curly and often frizzy hair looks like a family of mice has built a home in it, no make-up has been applied, hot flashes have won, sleep has eluded me and I'm down right ornery. He can see through all the external stuff to the real me.

He loves me even on those days when I wake up mad at him for something that he did or didn't do in a dream. Let's face it, the man married a challenge but he thrives at making the most of life with said challenge.

He encourages me. He builds me up. He brags about me. Pride fills his eyes as he looks at me.

I've called him "the man with the golden tongue" for years because of the things he says that melt my heart...usually words spoken to other people in my presence. Precious words stored in my heart.

We finish each others' sentences and fill in the blank when the other cannot think of a word.

He is the person I most enjoy conversing with. Don't expect us to sit at the dining table discussing things of little consequence. We dig deep. We ask each other questions because we value the other's opinion. What is your take on this? What is the Holy Spirit telling you about that? 

I respect my husband more than any man I have ever met. And I honor him for being a godly man, a righteous man, a man of integrity. 

He is a quiet, gentle man but not a shy man. He has plenty to share, just get him in "teacher mode" and you'll know what I mean! He knows God's Word and seeks God's heart. 

He carries calm and peace with him wherever he goes. He can bring order to chaos just by his mere presence. People who don't want to like him soon respect him and even grow to love him. 

Not long before his death, a dear friend told Larry he hated all white men until he met Larry. People say it all the time: "there's just something about Larry". Chalk it up to God's wiring and the Holy Spirit's indwelling!

Has God blessed me with a good man? The best man I have ever known!

Choosing To Forgive

My extended family was peppered with unforgiveness. Grudges were held. Walls were built. Siblings didn’t speak to each other for years. And it bled with far reaching consequences.

Anger, hate and bitterness inhabited those places where love should have thrived.

Sadly, it survives today…eating away at the fabric of what should be a beautiful family tapestry. And I pray it will come to an end in my father’s lifetime. Oh how I long to see eyes filled with joy and peace instead of pain.

I learned unforgiveness. It was modeled for me. It had taken root generations before. 

I struggled under the burden of not only my “stuff” but that of all the people I loved. It was too much, far too much. It nearly destroyed my health and broke my heart over and over again.

It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I truly understood forgiveness and my role. It isn’t my job to hold others accountable for their actions. When I attempted to, I was actually imprisoning myself. It poisoned my life.

So I resigned.

I stepped down from the throne of justice I had erected. I threw my judicial robe and gavel in the trash.

I made a choice to allow God - the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - to be God in my life. My arrogant attempt at His role was fruitless, pathetic and pointless. I desired a clean slate with God and all the people I refused to forgive. Do I have relationship with all of those people? No and that’s OK. The most important thing is they are no longer held hostage by my unforgiving heart.

Unforgiveness imprisons us to our fears, our pasts, and our pain. Unforgiveness strips us of hope. It robs us of joy. It binds us in chains of bitterness. It is spiritual quick sand that will eventually swallow us physically and emotionally as well.

I’ve been reading a devotional by Corrie ten Boom, I Stand At The Door And Knock. She phrased it so beautifully when she wrote “If you don’t forgive, you break the bridge – the same bridge that you need as well.”

Just as we are commanded to love, we are commanded to forgive. “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37b “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. “  Matthew 6:14-15  Father, forgive me for my arrogance and my stubborn pride! I choose to forgive.

Let’s be honest. Life isn’t fair. It isn’t easy. The pain can be unbearable. But we are not alone. The Lord is with us every step of the way. And He will give us the grace required to forgive when we draw on His strength, His mercy and His love.

Could I have forgiven without the Lord’s help? It’s highly unlikely! All I could focus on was what they had done wrong. They didn’t deserve forgiveness…but then again, did I? A resounding NO! The Lord changed my focus. He changed my heart. Through His loving me, He taught me to love others. “We Love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

In the words of Corrie ten Boom, “Thank You, Father, that your love in me is stronger than my anger toward those who treated me so cruelly.” If we focus on Him and His love, we can forgive. We can extend what He extended to us through Christ Jesus.

As Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday are upon us, I encourage you to examine your heart. Forgive those who have hurt you. Set them free. And receive God’s forgiveness for yourself.

Ask God to reveal any unforgiveness that remains hidden in your heart, hidden from even you. Ask Him to remove it, right down to any microscopic roots. And fill the remaining void with love, His love. Soak in His love and experience the peace that passes all understanding.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:1-5 ESV

God’s love has been poured into our hearts! Not drizzled or dripped – POURED! Hallelujah!

This old hymn came to mind:“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” (Helen Lemmel, 1922) Believe it! 

I choose to forgive. Will you?

Valentine's Day Reflections

It isn't easy to put into words what a happy and healthy Christ-centered marriage has been and is to me. But here goes. 

It is a safe harbor to sail into.

A cozy place of refuge.

Sunbeams break through the cloudy days.

Moonlight shines through the nights.

Nourishment for the heart and soul.

Fresh air. Peace.  

It is a place of release.

Chains of bondage fall away.

Oh, the thrill of dancing with abandon! 

Twirling. Gliding. Reaching. 

Yearning for more.

Courage. Expectation. Joy. 

It is a place to grow.

Room to breathe, to explore, to try.

Stretching out your arms, embracing life.

Love takes flight.

Soaring on gentle breezes.

Higher. Further. Hope. 

It is a place of forgiveness.

Love reaching out, taking your hand.

Making all things new.

Fresh like April showers.

New life emerging from the soil.

Green. Growing. Grace. 

It is a place where beauty is revealed.

Masks are gently removed.

The real you through their eyes.

Could it be?

The you God created you to be.

Free to be. Love.

You're finally home....(c)lclamb 2013

Today I wrote these words on my hubby's Valentine's card: "I love you beyond measure. You are the peanut butter to my jelly, the milk to my cereal and the chocolate to my caramel. We are best when we are together. Thank you for making my life complete. I will love you always." (c)lclamb 2013

If you find yourself alone this Valentine's Day, curl up with Jesus. He loves you like no other, with an everlasting love.