To live a life of thanksgiving

My ancestors were Puritans. They took an incredible risk to journey to new a beginning, to make a fresh start.

I am humbled just thinking about their trip across the ocean in conditions I would find deplorable.

Their eyes were on what lay ahead rather than focusing on their discomfort.

Once they arrived, they built their homes, planted gardens and began scratching out a life filled with hardship and loss.

Reusing and repurposing were a way-of-life not a matter of choice.

They were resilient and resourceful.

They learned to do without.

They knew disappointment but they also knew accomplishment.

Reliance on God got them through each day and on to the next.

They trusted.

They prayed.

They worshiped and praised.

They knew gratitude.

They lived lives of thanksgiving.

May I learn from their example.

The Right Path or String Dancing?

I stepped out of the bathroom this morning and to my surprise saw a tiny string going in both directions: into Larry's study and around the corner into the kitchen. (To be honest, with four cats, nothing really comes as a surprise! =^..^=)

I followed the string into the kitchen and had to laugh. There was a maze of string under the table and around the chair legs...a spider would have been proud! The "string dance" (not to be confused with String Theory!)appears to have originated in the living room. It then proceeded into the kitchen with much flourish under and around the table (I do not recall dancing having occurred there before - my cooking must be lacking! Ha!Ha!). The dance continued across the kitchen, around the corner, down the hall and concluded in the study. Our little Isabel turned one this week and I suspect the little stinker helped herself to a small ball of floss I had sitting on my needlework table. It was the purrfect size for a kitty or kitties as I'm sure her brothers joined in! Let the dance begin!

This reminded me of how we so often take what we think is the right path only to discover down the road a piece that it was not. The kitties eventually ran out of string and were left with a mess. The dance was over.

Do we remember to seek God before heading down a path? Or do we think He will support our decision, no matter what it is? (Arrogant, yes, but let's be honest, we've all done it.)

A friend recently shared the challenge of caring for her elderly mother. The daily grind of sharing a home and tending to her mother's needs was taking a toll on her. She had lost her joy along the way. One day, as she was crying out to God, she heard His still, small voice inquiring, "Did you ask me what I wanted?" Gulp! She had to admit she hadn't asked Him. Yes, her mother's care was important but perhaps it was not for her to do. She is now seeking His will in regards to her mother and she has far greater peace. Her joy is coming back, too. Hallelujah!

Only God knows what His plans and purposes are for each of our lives. Only He knows the timing. Only He knows what is the right path we should follow. Wisdom would be to ask Him and follow His lead, right?

I have to admit I've spent too much of my life following what looked like the right path to me only to discover it brought heartache or discouragement or confusion or, worse yet, distance from God. Just like my kitties, I can get excited about what something looks like and follow it. If I were to look at all the wrong paths I have taken, it would look a lot like that maze of string our kitties created as they chased that little ball of floss. I've done my share of string dancing!

I am so grateful for God's grace. He can take our messes and use them to His glory. I have to remember it is not about my past, it's about today and all the days that follow. I choose Him! I choose to seek His face. I choose to seek His wisdom. I choose to ask Him before I head down a path. I choose to use the discernment He has placed within me through His Holy Spirit. Yes, there will be dancing minus the string to tangle me up!

There is clarity is simplicity. We humans try to make things so hard - and we accomplish it quite successfully! It really is quite simple. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 ESV

It's not my life! It's His! Pretty simple when you look at it like that, huh? Simple but not necessarily easy. You see, I choose to die to my flesh,"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Acts 4:22-24 ESV

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 ESV Dying to self is not a one-time thing. It is daily or hourly or even minute-by-minute. I pray I recognize those times when I am living through my flesh and not my spirit (where the Holy Spirit resides). In the recognition, change can and will occur by God's grace. No more string dancing for me.

Thank you, Lord! With Your guidance, Your wisdom, Your revelation, Your knowledge, Your strength, and Your perseverance, I can run the race set before me. You know the right path....

Obedience

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the things God has called you to? Do you feel inadequate and completely unprepared for the very things that you know He created you to fulfill? Trust me, you are not alone!

He built us to draw on His strength, His wisdom and His knowledge so He can work through us. How many times have we done things in our own strength, our own timing, our own wisdom only to find ourselves with one heck of a mess in the end? A mess we usually turn to God, crying "Help!"

I've realized how arrogant I've been. God has all the knowledge, all the resources and all wisdom. He's proven His trustworthiness. When I meditate on that, everything comes into proper perspective. I'm brought to my knees in repentance. It is wonderful to be loved so completely, to have my foolishness forgiven...again.

God is teaching me to wait on Him and His timing. Nothing like crucifying my flesh! I can practically smell it! It's seems so unnatural to wait. My soul (my mind, will and emotions) doesn't like to wait. My spirit - where the Holy Spirit resides - insists on my being in synch with God.

In my lifetime, I have learned I cannot trust my emotions. They are real to me, based on my perspective and experiences. But they can be distorted by stinkin' thinkin', the enemy's influence, old tapes that run through my head, and my desires.

I can also be as willful as a child at times. God knows I've thrown a few tantrums with Him. I've often wondered if He finds it slightly amusing or just downright sad. Pathetic anyway. He's always right, always faithful, always trustworthy.

My goal is to get to the place where my spirit consistently rules my soul. Living with my spirit in the driver's seat, I will rely on the Lord at all times and in all things. I won't question doing what He is calling me to do. I won't question His timing. I won't fear the unknown. I will trust and obey (funny, now I have an old hymn running through my head!). All my confidence will be in Him. All my desires will be His desires. All that I will say and do will be for and about Him.

He has given us the best foundation: the Holy Bible, His Word. I intend to live it not just pay it lip service. Now is the time!

Life As I've Known It

My heart ached today when a technician at the hospital told me she would force her teenage daughter to have an abortion if she got pregnant. I told her she had no idea the guilt and pain a post-abortal woman experiences. She didn't seem to care. Her grandchild would be thrown away as an inconvenience instead of a beautiful creation of God.

I have lived it...the crushing pain, the feeling that I could never forgive myself let alone know God's forgiveness, the sense of failure, the ache when around babies, the certainty that I was completely, utterly flawed to the depths of my being.

You see, I aborted my only child. I wasn't a kid. I understood the finality of my choice but I made it anyway. I was so lost. So vulnerable. So very alone. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I held a glimmer of hope...that the father would do the right thing, that there was some way to have our child. That hope was crushed, obliterated by reason instead of love.

Mercifully, God reached out - as only He can - with mercy, grace and love I couldn't have imagined. He touched and healed my wounded heart several years ago and continues to minister to me as I am walking through a new season of grief.

Now that I am at the threshold of menopause, I mourn never having a biological child. Never feeling movement inside me. Never hearing that first cry. Never seeing them for the very first time. Never counting their toes and fingers. Never holding them. Never kissing them. Never telling them "I loved you". Never hearing them laugh. Never seeing them smile. Never watching them grow and learn. Never....

I crawl up in the lap and lay me head on the chest of the One who loves me like no other, my Daddy God. He has made a way for me. He sent His Son to die for me, to provide for my redemption and resurrection. He embraces me with a love of such intensity it is difficult to put words to it. I'm flawed and yet He loves me. Nothing I can do will remove His love from me. "But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting..." Psalm 103:17

2 Corinthians 12:9 penetrates my heart and provides hope. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Yes, He has proven and proven and proven His grace is sufficient. No matter the situation, His grace is sufficient!

Our pastor recently shared how God meets us in our flaws and issues, applies the blood of His Son, Jesus, and provides us with all the grace we need. And it is from those places that He gives us the honor and privilege to minister to others, to be living testimonies of all He has done and all that He is. The glory is His! All His!

I feel such a debt of gratitude. Not only have I been released from the punishing accusations from the enemy, but I also feel God's comfort and encouragement as I mourn. He has done so very much for me. If I look back, I can see His hand on me, guiding me, teaching me, loving me throughout my life. I love Him so!

Now it is time to give back, to fulfill His plans for me. That excites me!It is in Him I "live and move and have my being", Acts 17:28. Hallelujah!

Resting Through The Waves

My prayer for the day: Lord, help us to brave the waves of this life. Whether they are waves due to an earthquake and the resulting tsunami, heartbreaking loss, physical challenges, financial stress or emotional pain, You are the source of our strength, Lord. Without You, we can do nothing.

I'm dealing with a wave myself. Due to multiple neck injuries, I am in constant pain. I sit here with a cervical collar wrapped around my neck. I have very limited use of my left arm. I really shouldn't even be typing. I squirm, scream and cry out when intense pain grips me. I hold my breath when my doctor tells me I really need to breathe. I've tried childbirth breathing techniques without success. Help me to endure, Lord. I am so weak.

How do I make the most of this time? I feel so limited, so helpless. All I know to do is rest in you, Lord. Teach me to rest through the waves....

Ya Gotta Laugh!

Last night I was sitting in our living room, following doctor's orders and behaving myself - a rare thing! My husband accepted the opportunity to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. While our standards differ, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Suddenly my Facebook game was being interrupted by a loud, rumbling sound that was not good, not good at all. To give you a little history, in our seventeen years of marriage, we have lived in six houses. Without exception, my dear husband has thought each one of our garbage disposals could perform Herculean feats. Now we've had multiple conversations about this. "You simply cannot put watermelon rinds down the disposal. It just can't handle it." Response: "well, it should be able to..."

In this case, while thoughts of previous conversations are running through my mind, I asked what he had put down the garbage disposal this time. "Pineapple core". Oh no. "That's not good." Next thing I know he is carrying the plunger through the room. "I need your good arm, your right hand specifically." O.K. I set the laptop on the floor and headed into the kitchen where I am instructed to hold down the garbage disposal cap. O.K. 

I thought I was holding it down tight but, on that first plunge, I found myself on the receiving end of a high pressure bath of the watery contents of our garbage disposal. Just picture "water" dripping from my eye lashes, my nose, my ears, my chin, my hair. And I had just taken a shower! Head swivel to the right. Glare. And what do I see? My husband doing everything that was humanly possible to suppress the ripples of laughter bubbling at the surface. "Did I...(smirk)...mention...(snort)...you need to...(lip bite)...hold down...(snicker)...really tight?" Frankly I don't remember my response. I do know it had to do with his laughter at my expense. It was also loud - big surprise!

I am convinced this "incident" would have been prefect for an episode of "I Love Lucy". I also think we need to look into the availability of a Tim Taylor souped-up "manly" garbage disposal...well, maybe not. It seems to me he didn't have much success with any of his modifications.

I assure you, this will not be the last time my hubby will test the garbage disposal. History has proven that particular pattern cannot be broken. 

Ya just gotta laugh! (In case you are wondering, I'm clean again!)

Curve Balls

Life can throw us some wicked curve balls. You're standing at the plate. Bat in hand. Stance is good. You feel good. Relaxed. Ready to take on whatever is pitched your way. And wham! You're hit by a curve ball you didn't even see coming. You hit the ground. Your head is spinning. The wind has been knocked out of you. It takes a while to get your bearings. You look around and things have changed. Maybe no one else notices but things are different. Tilted. Off. Now what?

Been there. Experienced it firsthand. I'll never forget the day my husband walked into my office. I was surprised to see him. The look on his face was not good. He told me "I've been fired". I didn't know how to take it in, how to process it. My husband has always been good at what he does. People tell him that all the time but that darned curve ball....

We've been hit by that same curve ball twice in the past few years. Nothing prepares you for it. 

I look back now and I thank God for both of those curve balls, especially the second one. God has taught us so much. To trust Him more than we ever had before. To lean on Him. His promises began to open up to us. We sought His face and His will for what came next.  And it was good. Scary but good. 

So many things about God and how He does things are confounding for our human minds. Often things seem upside down or even backwards. But the joy of watching Him work - wow! To take your hands off and let Him do it - amazing! There is a joy and a peace and a wonder at letting Him have the reigns (or the steering wheel). 

If you think about it, as a believer, its how we are supposed to do life. But, if you are anything like me, you want to fix things, make them right, do something. Sometimes all He needs us to do is rest and wait.

He has all the information, all the resources, all the wisdom. It seems a little foolish to try to do it ourselves, doesn't it? One of my all-time favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5&6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." It's all there. What we need for life is all there. It really is so simple.....

Faithful

God's faithfulness. 

Apparently this is where He wants me to focus today. It keeps rolling around in my mind.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations," Deuteronomy 7:9 ESV    

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23 ESV

Wow! He keeps His promises. As I look back on my life, I see His hand. He has always been faithful. 

He has loved me despite my self-hatred. (We're continuing to work on that.)

He has given life to the dead places in my heart. 

He has forgiven me when I was so unworthy of forgiveness. 

He has strengthened me when I was too weak to stand. 

He has cheered and applauded for me. He's my greatest fan.

He has wept with me when I've been hurt and afraid.

He has encouraged me when others didn't see the need. 

He has held me tight when it felt like my world was spinning out of control.

He has provided for me - I am so blessed!

He has protected me. (If I truly knew the extent of this, it would be more than I could handle.)

He has been the source of my strength.

He has comforted me when grief has overwhelmed me. 

He has lifted me to my feet when I have fallen.

He has pushed me to do those things He created me to do.

He has challenged me: my thinking, my understanding, my trust, my faith.

He has stretched me. At times it has hurt but I needed it. 

He always knows what's best for me.

He has lavished me with a love I could not imagine possible.

He has shown me His heart.

He has given me His understanding.

He is my joy! He is my strength! He is my hope! He is my life!

I want more, Lord. More of you and less of me! I long to be more faithful to You. To reflect you in everything I say and do. To be like Christ. May I faithfully pursue you as you have pursued me, Lord. 

Thank you. Thank you for being my rock. Always strong. Always faithful. Always true.

I love you, Lord.