In Honor of My Man & Our Marriage

The sanctuary was bathed in candle light and harp music filled the air. Simple yet elegant. Just the way we wanted it.

Nineteen years ago today, God joined our lives and our hearts. Two imperfect people with vastly different personalities and life experiences brought together by the love of Jesus Christ and a desire to serve Him. 

I don't consider my husband in the terms many use - my best friend. It goes SO much deeper than that. Calling him my best friend would be selling him and God short. I doubt a label exists that could adequately describe what we have and that's okay.

We don't own a fancy home with expensive furniture. We don't take lavish vacations. Our vehicle is nearly ten years old. (Yes, we currently only have one as that is all we need.) We don't have a vast retirement portfolio. By our society's standards, we have very little. But we feel like we are the richest people on earth. And we are content.

No matter what life has thrown at us (and it has thrown plenty, trust me!), we've grown closer. Our marriage has been forged by a bond that cannot be broken. 

To me, the safest place on earth is in Larry's arms. 

He knows me better than any other human being, a fact that gives me peace and comfort as well as a sense of safety and security.

He understands my heart, my passions, my purpose and even how my mind works (scary thought!). 

He calls me beautiful even on those days when my naturally curly and often frizzy hair looks like a family of mice has built a home in it, no make-up has been applied, hot flashes have won, sleep has eluded me and I'm down right ornery. He can see through all the external stuff to the real me.

He loves me even on those days when I wake up mad at him for something that he did or didn't do in a dream. Let's face it, the man married a challenge but he thrives at making the most of life with said challenge.

He encourages me. He builds me up. He brags about me. Pride fills his eyes as he looks at me.

I've called him "the man with the golden tongue" for years because of the things he says that melt my heart...usually words spoken to other people in my presence. Precious words stored in my heart.

We finish each others' sentences and fill in the blank when the other cannot think of a word.

He is the person I most enjoy conversing with. Don't expect us to sit at the dining table discussing things of little consequence. We dig deep. We ask each other questions because we value the other's opinion. What is your take on this? What is the Holy Spirit telling you about that? 

I respect my husband more than any man I have ever met. And I honor him for being a godly man, a righteous man, a man of integrity. 

He is a quiet, gentle man but not a shy man. He has plenty to share, just get him in "teacher mode" and you'll know what I mean! He knows God's Word and seeks God's heart. 

He carries calm and peace with him wherever he goes. He can bring order to chaos just by his mere presence. People who don't want to like him soon respect him and even grow to love him. 

Not long before his death, a dear friend told Larry he hated all white men until he met Larry. People say it all the time: "there's just something about Larry". Chalk it up to God's wiring and the Holy Spirit's indwelling!

Has God blessed me with a good man? The best man I have ever known!

Choosing To Forgive

My extended family was peppered with unforgiveness. Grudges were held. Walls were built. Siblings didn’t speak to each other for years. And it bled with far reaching consequences.

Anger, hate and bitterness inhabited those places where love should have thrived.

Sadly, it survives today…eating away at the fabric of what should be a beautiful family tapestry. And I pray it will come to an end in my father’s lifetime. Oh how I long to see eyes filled with joy and peace instead of pain.

I learned unforgiveness. It was modeled for me. It had taken root generations before. 

I struggled under the burden of not only my “stuff” but that of all the people I loved. It was too much, far too much. It nearly destroyed my health and broke my heart over and over again.

It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I truly understood forgiveness and my role. It isn’t my job to hold others accountable for their actions. When I attempted to, I was actually imprisoning myself. It poisoned my life.

So I resigned.

I stepped down from the throne of justice I had erected. I threw my judicial robe and gavel in the trash.

I made a choice to allow God - the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - to be God in my life. My arrogant attempt at His role was fruitless, pathetic and pointless. I desired a clean slate with God and all the people I refused to forgive. Do I have relationship with all of those people? No and that’s OK. The most important thing is they are no longer held hostage by my unforgiving heart.

Unforgiveness imprisons us to our fears, our pasts, and our pain. Unforgiveness strips us of hope. It robs us of joy. It binds us in chains of bitterness. It is spiritual quick sand that will eventually swallow us physically and emotionally as well.

I’ve been reading a devotional by Corrie ten Boom, I Stand At The Door And Knock. She phrased it so beautifully when she wrote “If you don’t forgive, you break the bridge – the same bridge that you need as well.”

Just as we are commanded to love, we are commanded to forgive. “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37b “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. “  Matthew 6:14-15  Father, forgive me for my arrogance and my stubborn pride! I choose to forgive.

Let’s be honest. Life isn’t fair. It isn’t easy. The pain can be unbearable. But we are not alone. The Lord is with us every step of the way. And He will give us the grace required to forgive when we draw on His strength, His mercy and His love.

Could I have forgiven without the Lord’s help? It’s highly unlikely! All I could focus on was what they had done wrong. They didn’t deserve forgiveness…but then again, did I? A resounding NO! The Lord changed my focus. He changed my heart. Through His loving me, He taught me to love others. “We Love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

In the words of Corrie ten Boom, “Thank You, Father, that your love in me is stronger than my anger toward those who treated me so cruelly.” If we focus on Him and His love, we can forgive. We can extend what He extended to us through Christ Jesus.

As Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday are upon us, I encourage you to examine your heart. Forgive those who have hurt you. Set them free. And receive God’s forgiveness for yourself.

Ask God to reveal any unforgiveness that remains hidden in your heart, hidden from even you. Ask Him to remove it, right down to any microscopic roots. And fill the remaining void with love, His love. Soak in His love and experience the peace that passes all understanding.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:1-5 ESV

God’s love has been poured into our hearts! Not drizzled or dripped – POURED! Hallelujah!

This old hymn came to mind:“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” (Helen Lemmel, 1922) Believe it! 

I choose to forgive. Will you?