Love & Grace

As I read the Facebook posts of my pro-life friends, I am truly saddened on this, the anniversary of Roe v Wade. I, too, am pro-life but as someone who made that desperate choice many years ago, I know the fear and shame involved. You cannot begin to know unless you have walked that road. 

As the creator and giver of life, God grieves the abomination of abortion. If we respond in judgment and condemnation, He grieves that even more. It does not bring positive change. It does not reflect His heart and that of His Son, Jesus.

We must respond in love and grace. We don't know the road these women have walked. In loving them, we are not condoning their choices, we are extending Christ's love. Haven't we all sinned? Haven't we all made poor choices that don't reflect who we truly are? 

My life was shattered by my choice to abort. In many ways, the choice was taken from me by my child's father. I wasn't strong enough to go against his wishes, to fight for my child's life. Fear won. Desperation won. And I lost so very, very much.

I witnessed women in the abortion clinic who used abortion as their chosen method of birth control. I pray for them. They are so very broken inside. But today I want to speak from the heart of a woman who has made the choice out of fear, out of desperation and out of shame.

Shame is doubled for women who have had abortions.  

First there is the shame of an unplanned pregnancy. That shame drives countless women to abort. You can hide the reality of your indiscretion for only so long. Then it is there for the whole world to see...and to judge and condemn. 

My fears brought tremendous darkness. If you think the enemy of our souls doesn't take advantage of those dark times, you need to rethink it. He lives to lie, steal and destroy. In the case of abortion, not only is the child's life destroyed, so is the mothers. 

Second there is the shame of the abortion itself. There is a huge stigma attached. Hollywood would have us believe abortion is no big deal. Women are portrayed as sitting around chatting about their experiences like they just got a tooth filled. It's a huge lie! 

I tried to carry on with my life, to keep myself so busy I wouldn't have time to think about it. But it caught up with me. The overwhelming grief washed over me like a tsunami. And I had to endure that grief in silence. As a Christian, no one could know what I had done. I was sure I would be rejected. I knew how Christians talked about women who had abortions. I simply could not bear it. 

It wasn't until God brought people into my life who loved me unconditionally that the truth of what I had done was revealed. I knew I could trust them. I knew they would not reject me.

I worked in a mega church over ten years ago. Every year the Sanctity of Life posters were scattered about the church and every year I felt my heart being stomped on over and over again. It's not that the posters themselves were condemning, it was the crushing shame being brought to the surface. I could hardly breath.

One day I simply had to talk to someone. I asked a dear friend to meet me for lunch. We escaped into a classroom far from any prying eyes or ears. It was there that I released all the pain that had been building up inside of me. And what did she do? Exactly what my husband had done on our second date when I told him. She stood in front of my chair and held out her hands. She took me in her arms and held me as I wept. She was Jesus to me that day just as Larry had been Jesus to me years earlier. 

That is what we are to be, Jesus in the flesh. Loving, accepting, comforting, and embracing. And what did God do when my healing was complete? He gave me the honor and privilege of doing just that at a pregnancy center. I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes. But I loved just as He has loved me.

Mercy, grace and love within the Christian community have been lacking on the unplanned pregnancy and abortion front. Suggestions of someone being a "slut", "selfish", and "you should know better" have been much too quick to come to the minds and out of the mouths of Christians. 

I think of the man outside the abortion clinic who, in the name of God, shamed everyone who entered. He quoted scripture. He called us names. Did he show love and compassion? It certainly wasn't evident to me or anyone else who walked in those doors that day. 

Overall, we believers have not been Christ-like in responding to abortion-vulnerable and post-abortal women. Is there room for improvement? A resounding YES! 

There are many excellent pregnancy centers who strive every day to not only save the lives of the unborn but the lives of every woman who comes through their doors. And I applaud ICU Mobile, an organization providing free ultrasounds via their fully equipped RV's. They are expanding across the country "revealing life...at the crossroads of decision"(c). I know seeing my child in the womb would have changed everything. 

But we need to do even more! And we have to start now. We need to begin confessing our own sin in this, the sin of making others feel "less than" because of their sin. We MUST love! We are commanded to love! We have been loved with an everlasting love (Jer 31:3) so we, in turn, must love others.

Yes, our laws need to be changed to reflect the true origin of life. God told Jeremiah "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." (Jer 1:5) so the origin is actually before conception. But even before the Roe v Wade hurdle can be cleared, we must learn to love.

Women need to feel loved right where they are. Just as Jesus does with each one of us. I am convinced if women are loved instead of condemned, we would see more women giving their babies up for adoption. In love, they would see that even if they could not care for their child, they could give the baby life. And extend the greatest gift possible to people who long to share their hearts and lives with a child.

Changing the heart and will of society begins with small steps. Let it begin with you. Love....